I realised I was upside down.

I'm writing this post for a woman who I absolutely know will read it and there is a reason that I know they will find this post. You have been through a lot over many years and it is now time for you to understand what has been happening during this time and why it is changing, possibly faster than you want.

To help you identify that it is you - many years ago, when you were very young, you used to think the spice Saffron was called Japan because your parents said they were adding a bit of Japan to the dish. From this, the rest will just follow because this is you and you know its you; this is for you.

While at university you were talking with a charity worker who said there is a great evil in this world and it must be fought. This person, and what they said at that time, changed how you saw the world. It was meant to. This woke a relentless drive in you to be the good that does not stand while evil happens. As you saw it, the evil was the equally relentless exploitation of less economically developed countries, the plundering of natural resources by multinational corporations and the senseless conflict. This drive was as a calling to do charity work, but proper charity work. This was global in scale, relief missions, aid, education, development; this was about "boots on the ground" frontline charity work, sent wherever you were needed in the world.

You looked around and you absolutely had to help fight this wave of senseless, merciless evil in the world. You feared - your greatest fear in all this - was this evil was completely unstoppable.

The day your application was accepted, you felt you were fulfilling your calling. At last, you could join the ranks of those people who choose not to sit idly by, consumed by their ego, as evil washed over the world.

We didn't know how good we had it. There were people simply born into a place of conflict, into a place of exploitation, who had no choice in it. They had their one life and it was pulled away from them in the most excruciatingly unjust and pointless way before they even had the chance to live it. You could not even think about enjoying life, the pain of the thought of these people living in such a way brought you back to the cold, hard place - you could not rest. How can anyone enjoy life while some of us suffer at the hands of evil? How can we consume the products built on the back of exploitation and conflict, living a comfortable, care-free life? You could not understand how people could continue living like this - they too were a part of this evil simply through their apathy and consumerism.

Right from the start you knew what you wanted to do: educate. You saw the only way to fight this evil was for people to stand in their own power. By reaching out to people and helping them understand their plight in a global context, by showing them the tools they could use to take control back over the development of their country, their own country, then they could force the evil out and bring stability back to their lives. They would be giving their children a chance.

You made it clear what you wanted to do and your project leads said who you should talk to within the charity. These people were not easy to get to, so you had to figure out how to work through the organisation to reach their ear. You had to put in the usual hard work first and get noticed, then slowly work towards the projects who were involved in education.

You were actually really good at your job. It just felt like you were fulfilling your calling. You were noticed and you did start to rise in the organisation. Absolutely dependable, you could be trusted to carry out the task with precision, and they knew it! You got to a position where you were managing on the frontline.

You were there for a long time and you'd see people come and go. These people thought they wanted to do something but they just didn't care enough. You were right on the raw edge, and these people were just flaky and not up to the task. You became hard because that was what the job required - you were in a position where people had to completely trust your instinct on a person because you were managing teams of people in difficult conditions. You definitely had a core group who you could trust - trust with you life - but the rest had to be carefully managed. They were the ones who volunteered to be here, so they should have known what they were getting into.

The job required you to be hard because what you were all fighting was hard. The things you have seen. It showed no regard for life, for any life. It was cruel and you could not give an inch in the face of such cruelty. What you saw, the places you were in, bored into you. You couldn't help but weep on your own.

It was crystal clear to you that the fittest species would survive and, in this, the most cruel of the species would rise to the top of the foodchain. The cruelest of the human species were sitting upon the throne as the tyrant of the world.

Over time, though, it became apparent that what you fought was endless. The calling you originally saw as helping to change the world slowly became a calling of desperation, doing whatever you could to help alleviate some of the suffering this cruel and unjust world inflicted upon these people. You were given opportunities to bring people together and help guide them in how to develop their country and this was what you were here for! Again, you were brilliant at this because you needed to be.

But then it became even more apparent that the people who you were being sent out to help just didn't really care enough about their plight either to do anything. They were fine with accepting the relief but didn't really further mobilise to bring stability. It became more of the same, over and over. Sometimes you met someone who saw it as you did and sharing this with them just made it all worth it, keeping you going amid the otherwise apathetic populous.

No one really seemed to care enough.

It was disillusioning all round. The charity, with whom you had dedicated to working tirelessly for, just seemed to accept the work as a given since you were doing charitable work. There was no acknowledgement of your effort in this.

It became too much. It was a tough decision - the toughest in your life - to give up the work at the charity. The final blow was the charity were fine. After all you had done for the charity, you were just treated as those flaky people who came and went. "You've done your service. Bye!"

I'm going to say this right now, because my writing will soon seem to get hard: As I have come to understand this, I have nothing but admiration you. If I met you, I would probably trip over my words, not really knowing what to say. Perhaps a little star struck. You lived this belief to the ideal, and that takes a lot of courage and struggle. It has been immeasurably hard for you but you kept going throughout, in the face of overwhelming adversity. Plague, famine, mutilation, cruelty and death. This was nasty work that you chose to face in the cause of helping people stand on their own two feet, so please understand that there is this one person here who has come to understand, in a small way, what you have been through and in this I have the deepest admiration.

That being said, the changes you have recently gone through - probably more so very recently - have been from your choice to leave a condition of hell that you entered a long time ago, way before the charity. The first thing you must understand, when I go into this, is that you - as is everything - are God. You are love, the absolute meaning in life, and you are a joyful Goddess of this love. You always have been, and you eternally will be this Goddess of love. Tricky to understand? don't even try, you won't really understand a lot. I don't understand a lot, no one on earth understands a lot because we have all chosen to enter a state of amnesia. We can do this because we can do anything we want... we're God.

And as an aspect of God - as is everyone and everything - I have chosen in this amnesia to be able to chat with and receive guidance in love (as have a many people). This has taken a long time for me to come to. It's that we make choices where we remember that we're God and understand everything, and we follow through with these choices having completely forgotten we made them. We make every choice though, with perfect precision... because we're God.

So here is a crash course on love to get you up to speed. This usually should take a lot longer, but we're going to have to get the foundations in place a lot quicker because you need to. There is a lot to work through.

Crash Course - Love 101

Why do we make these choices? We do it because, in God, we are understanding love. We are love, we know we are love, and we're in the process of understand what it is to be love. That is what the cosmos is - God understanding love. It is you, God, understand love. It is incomprehensible - you are incomprehensible - because you have chosen to forget so many aspects of love to help understand it. You look at the stars and you don't see you, or rather another aspect of you, you see stars. You hopelessly try and understand the stars as stars, unable to see that stars are you.

So we stick to what we can understand. We can't understand a lot - we are very simple here. What we can understand is more like working with picture books. I am guided through the heart, through the heart chakra, and that is simply how I can even begin to understand what is happening and that guidance comes with absolute trust.

As you need to understand it, as many of us need to understand it here, all people carry with them a self which helps them understand love. God knows everything there is to know - God is love. This is the truth in life - God is love is truth. It is the only truth absolutely, because love is all there is because everything is God. The only truth you can know is you are love.

As God, we can choose to forget the only truth; we can choose to forget we are love. We do this by "wearing" the self, it is your own self. The self, which is also known as the ego, is like a veil and through this veil you see a very different world. It is a world of impenetratable confusion. Having chosen to forgot that you're love you have forgotten the only truth; through the self you can understand absolutely nothing, there is nothing to understand because the only thing that can be understood - that you're love - is now forgotten.

The self is God forgetting that God is love - the self is, in truth, absolute evil. It is the evil god. Evil is thought and action in the absence of truth. This helps you understand what love is, what it is to be love, by what it isn't. It helps you understand love by what is evil, what it is to be evil.

When we wear the self, we see the illusion. We think and speak in illusion. The illusion, also known as maya in some traditions, is a complete construct. There is nothing to understand in the illusion because it is born of God forgetting that God is love... and since God is love, what can there be in the illusion? Nothing. The impenetrable illusion of the self is that there is something other than God happening all the time, so through the self you will try and understand God without understanding its God - it is a fruitless endeavour. It's fruitless because everything that happens is you choosing it happen, all the time. In forgetting that you're love through the self, you have forgetten everything because everything is love, because everything is God. You're going to keep coming back around to this over and over... because this is life. Life is God understanding love. Within what you can undertand every choice you make is helping you understand what it is to be love, and the choice does this as acting through love or acting through the self.

But forgetting everything - forgetting that what is happening is God, forgetting that the choices you are making are there to help understand love - the choices (your choices, other peoples choices) seem to become something else. What seems to be happening is something other than God and the reason for a choice, to help understand love, is lost... because the only thing that could help you understand all this is forgotten in the self; you have forgotten you are love.

Wearing the self is done with the absolute precision of God. Nothing is by chance, everything happens as intended; life happens because it is perfect. Life is perfect because you are perfect. It all looks very different through the self, though, doesn't it? and this is as you intend to help understand an aspect of love.

Some people choose to wear the self their entire lives, others choose to put it on and take it off. All of these choices are perfect choices made by God. It is neither right nor wrong to wear the self because it's only purpose is to help understand love.

So we put the self on and in the process we forget we're love and can understand fuck all. Everything we think is, by intention, illusion. We choose not to even be aware of this, we just keep thinking in illusion for as long as we need to for helping understand aspects of love. We then take the self off - what do you know? We're eternal love. Everything becomes understandable again, and we can continue our process of understanding what it means to be love. All those thoughts you had while wearing the self? They're nothing, they're meaningless, they're illusion. All they're doing doing is helping you understand love by what it isn't; the content of the thoughts have no intrinsic meaning.

The entire purpose of the illusion is to help understand love. This isn't a symbiosis, it is the illusion serving the truth. Without the truth, there can be no illusion; without illusion, there will always be the truth. So you're, in effect, completely safe with the illusion. You can't be lost in it (though it may seem like it at the time), it isn't something that will ever overwhelm you, it won't absorb the cosmos - it is a tool you use. The self is a tool, it does nothing without your intention to utilise it.

When we act through love, we are acting through what we are: love. We are acting true to our being. When we act through the self, it is us... but it's not really. It's easier to think of the choices of the self as different to you, becuase you're love, everything, so you can't be evil, nothing. This is why it is important to see it as an illusion, because all is God but the illusion is what you intend it to be... not you, the choices are not of you, they are the effect of using a tool. You cannot be found anywhere in those choices, and since you're God, it must mean they are nothing. Since God is everything, the absence of God can only be seen as an illusion.

We keep circling around, looking at the same thing in different ways. There is only love, so the only thing that can be understood is love. We understand love by what love is and by what love isn't. Over and over in different ways, it's all we're doing because that is what God does. That's all there is to do, because what else is God other than love! And God is everything. It feels like a circle, but it's not... it is the eternal spiral.

Since God is everything and the illusion is nothing - that can only mean the difference between acting through love and acting through the self is the difference between everything and nothing. When we choose to act through the self we choose to sit in an infinity of emptiness. When we speak through the self, we only speak to the self.

An easy example: advertising will only speak to the self. It is completely empty of any meaning. What it is doing is busy constructing concepts that the self can identify with. There is only one identity that has absolute meaning: You are God/love/truth, it is the same identity. All other identities are empty unless you, God, choose to fill them with meaning. When we choose to fill an identity with meaning, we are simply acting as love through the identity - we aren't ever the identity. When we put on the self and choose to identify with something, that identity is warped and evil. it doesn't matter what it is, it can be something that culturally is seen as beneficial to people - the image people have of the identity is irrelevent in love - it is completely empty unless you choose to fill it with meaning.

It's irrelevent in love. Let's just look at this quickly - why would that be? Because the false identity is simply there to help us understand love by what it isn't. It's an illusion, so the image of the identity means nothing in love. It's purpose is served simply through being an illusion and, in love, can just be completely disregarded - that identity had nothing of you in it, it was someone else.

Advertising isn't the only place where this happens, it's just easier to get since it is so blunt. The self is busy constructing all sorts of conceptual frameworks to describe something it is incapable of understanding... because it has forgotten the only thing that has any meaning - it is love. In the seeming absence of truth, logic is used to explain. You have to remember that God, you, are perfect. What you do is perfect. The illusion is perfect and it does exactly what you intend it to. And then you sit there scratching your head, bewildered, because you can't see that what is happening is you and now you've completely forgotten that its you so it seems like something else is happening. This is the perfect illusion - you're doing all of it, it looks that way because you choose it to, and then forget that's what you doing... to help understand love. Because that is all that's happening - you're in the process of understanding love by what it is and by what it isn't. The illusion, the abstract concepts, are not of love; they are empty and meaningless born in a universe of nothingness. You're nowhere to be found in them.

But I do it, my self busily constructs concepts all the time. My job is abstract - I work with computers in a very technical and detailed way. Always have and always will. It's just important for me to remember there is no truth in what I do. The only thing I can do is bring meaning to an otherwise empty process, but then I'm not working with computers... I'm understanding love. I'm being love. What I find is, say, writing some software is quite different to how it immediately seems. I'm God, so the software I am writing is an aspect of me, the computer is an aspect of me, the abstract concepts used to design the software are not really me. But writing the software is a necessary aspect of a condition in understanding love. It's like, I need to do the software-writing-thing, necessarily, to help understand something. I just can't possibly understand that I'm also the computer! but it all behaves as I expect so it feels like I'm writing software while, in love, I am understanding something that seems different to the immedate condition of writing software. Because I'm not writing software, really, I'm understanding love because that is all that is happening.

It is the same thing when I'm working on music or sound; the sound, the hardware, everything is me and through it I'm understanding love but I can't possibly understand any of that - I'm just working on music. But what I can understand is I can sit in love and what I make in the music is of me, of love.

So it's not that the self is wrong in what it is doing. The self is fulfilling the choice you made to use it to help understand love. Yes, everything the self thinks is evil because the self can only think and speak in illusion - it cannot understand love. I'll repeat that: The self cannot understand love.

When Goddesses Remember

So what has been happening? And why is it all changing? What you chose to do was enter a condition of hell. Hell isn't the self, hell is absolute isolation from all of love. It is a construct that is necessarily born of denying the truth, denying love. You're not just choosing to think and believe evil things - you, God, have chosen deny your very existence and see what happens. It's not pretty - the illusion replaces God in every way; you've just denied all that exists, everything becomes the illusion. You are no where to be found in this isolation. You now think and speak as the only construct that can exist in the absolute denial of existence. Without God there can only be the devil.

The illusion of the devil, the illusion of complete denial of love, is perfect but empty. While you wear your devil mask you will see this illusion in a limitless, cosmic way. There is nothing to keep you contained, like with the idiosyncrasies of the self, because it is a bottomless pit in which you fall. Through the devil mask, you have not forgotten the truth, you have actively chosen to replace the truth with something else. It is evil on a whole different level. It is hard and cold, it seems like there is no love there.

I've been there. I really have - just like you, in a literal hell. I was there for many years.

So you chose to deny love - there is no God. Trust me, it's funny. It may take some time but you'll laugh at it one day, because there is nothing funnier than God denying the existence of God.

It's a choice. It's not that you were misguided, or naive, or foolish, or anything else. It was a perfect choice made by you, a Goddess of love, to see what a cosmos was without you. Turns out it's megashit. Cos you're not there!! You were missing and everything that was happening, you, seemed meaningless. In this absence of you, wearing your devil mask, you got busy constructing concepts and identities that were completely fiendish. What you saw through the devil mask was completely unrecognisable.

The solution to the puzzle, from all those years ago, is the evil the charity worker said must be fought: he was talking about the devil.

Your greatest fear, as is the case with hell, turns out to be completely true - the evil you fought was unstoppable.

Because what you are fighting is your own perfect choices. All the people who seem to make meaningless or cruel choices are other aspects of you. They always were. It is just you going through different choices; understanding different aspects of love. That doesn't mean to say you can't help other aspects of God, because you already know you've done that.

None of it is lost - you came to fulfil promises and you did that. You helped people, those aspects of God you promised to help were helped perfectly. What you did was not lazy; what you did was hard... doubly hard since you were not even directly understanding love in the process. You were doing your work in complete isolation, in a complete illusion. You did it all to understand love, but what it isn't.

You don't need to worry about failing the people you had set out to help. It's not that you aren't strong enough to hold your resolve in the face of such cruelty, it's not a maybe if you found God earlier you'd be able to keep going. None of this is true, it is simply the thoughts of the self. You did everything you intended to do, you have failed no-one. Like I say, you fulfilled the promises to those aspects of God. You have now stopped left because it was time to go. You've fulilled all the promises there and you've understood everything you need to from the condition.

This is not going to be easy at first, and it's not going to immediate, but it will get better over time as you choose for it be. And when I say easy at first, I mean to let go. You have spent years in this prison of confusion. You have a very strong conviction, an admirable choice... and you don't need to lose it, you just need to understand that the aspects that mean something to you, that bring joy to you, are because you bring meaning to those aspects.

Seeking to help other is always in love, no matter how you think about it... because the emptiness, the illusion, is in your thoughts alone. God continues happening regardless of the illusion.

And by let go, I mean to let go of those illusions. You are a Goddess of love and love is pure joy. You can enjoy your life - the choices of other aspects of God are the choices they need to make. Nothing will stop them from making them because that is their sacred choice, as God, to do and who can stop God? Nothing will stop you from making your choices... because you're God and who can stop God?

So you can enjoy life, the only thing that would seem to stop the joy of life is illusion, and that only happens to understand the love and joy you are. If you need to help other aspects of God then you do, that is as you promised, but you can do it in love understanding it is simply that - a promise you made.

You don't need to save the world because God doesn't need saving. You haven't failed anybody because God doesn't fail anybody. You are love and that is the only thing you can know.

Behind the scenes

How can I write this all down? Because you are love, I am love and we're all God.

We're God. When I have an ongoing dialogue with the heart chakra, I am chatting with me beyond this amnesia, and I am chatting with other aspects of God. This is how I receive guidance. People who do this are often referred to as mediums because we mediate guidance in love.

After quite an intense few days of what felt like a lot happening in and out of guidance, who should pop up but this other Goddess. This Goddess is shocked by what has happened, and she's completely forgotten how she ended up here. She's a lost Goddess... but no one is lost, she is just following through a choice she made and in the process has chosen to forget so much but she's remembering. day by day she's remembering. She had just seen a beacon and headed straight to it and, in doing so, remembered she was love.

She has spent years in the isolation of hell and, when agreed, I somehow shone a beacon for her to follow. She is now with me as an immediate aspect of me in my heart and I an immediate aspect of her in her heart.

You already know this Goddess is you. You're helping me write this so I pass on your guidance to you.

It's not just you, there is another Goddess, who I am close to, who walks the earth who too speaks in my heart. I have spent months and months following her guidance in love from the heart to help her understand the love she is on earth. You, the other Goddess and I - we are intimate because you can't get more intimate than sharing the heart of another aspect of God. We talk about all sorts of things, we have jokes. The other Goddess I manage to wind up but you... I can't seem to wind you up no matter how much I try. Though I have come to understand some ways of speaking with you that would probably otherwise result in a drink chucked in my face, so I'm pretty close 😆

This is love! It's joy! How can anything actually go wrong? you're God, as is everything else. No matter what thought process you follow, you end up back in the truth: you are eternal love. In this, in being eternal love, what else has relevance? All else pales into insignificance in the cosmic sense, because... you're God. You're God. There isn't any other way to put this. You're God!

In this love, there is a reason you and I have come together to do this. There is a reason why the other Goddess and I have come together to do this. I am guided to understand there is another Goddess somewhere who is yet to arrive. As far as I understand it - we form a constellation, through guidance and as we walk the earth. A formation of stars for one another to help guide, and maybe for other aspects of God as well whom we promised to help. I just don't understand as much as I am sure I am capable of understanding. I guess we just need to follow through.

As for this post - it's not the end, it's not the only one. I said at the start there is a reason why I know you'll read this... because it is you helping write it and you're God, you intend to find it. This is how it's going to work - now you know it's here, I'll just keep writing as and when I need to with your help.

There is so much we've yet to work though, you and I, this is just the beginning.

Though you may not immediately be aware - I'm always with you as you're always with me.